Chapter Fifty-nine

They walked hand in hand through the rows of grape vines. After the tour of the winery, their hosts had allowed them to wander the fields that had already been harvested. Amid the cultivated vines they moved, examining the plants and looking at the stars.

Every so often, Lindy glanced over to her husband, her heart swelling. He was so handsome in the moonlight, and could have any woman he wanted. Yet he chose her, despite all the walls she tried to erect, despite her fears and hesitations. And what kept her in awe was the fact that he acted like he was the lucky one. Her eyes misted over, and she squeezed his hand.

He smiled at her, squeezing in return. "I've been thinking about the Gathering. There's always plenty of blood readily available, so neither one of us will need to hunt, unless we want to. And on Halloween, there's always a costume ball. We'll need to find some costumes soon. If you want to have them made, that's fine too, but we need to decide quickly."

"A costume ball?" Lindy grinned impishly. "Why don't we go as Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf? I'm sure you'd look absolutely adorable in a red cloak."

He snorted. "Why Grandma, what a big imagination you have! Think again, Lind. I'd rather go as something that didn't require me in to wear a dress and little gold ringlets. Which means Goldilocks and Shirley Temple are out, too."

Lindy pouted. "But you would look so cute...I know, I know. You're not cute." She grinned as he scowled at her. "Okay, what do you have in mind, Nate? Some sort of couple costume?"

"That would be nice. Then all of the male vampires would know who you're with. No mistakes. And if I have to kill any of them for touching you, it won't be because they didn't know you were already taken." He grinned at her, his fangs slightly sharpened. "We could go as Adam and Eve. Although, I'd need an abnormally large fig leaf."

She giggled. "That's what I love about you, Nate. Your amazing sense of humility." She lightly kissed him as his scowl became deeper. "How about something from Disney? Or does that fall under the category of 'too cute' also?"

"I'm not going as Mickey Mouse, so you can just forget it."

She shook her head. "No, I was thinking more along the lines of Beauty and the Beast."

He paused at that, turning to look at her. "You know, that has possibilities. He didn't wear tights, did he?"

"No, he didn't."

"Hmm. You'd have brown hair. And you could probably fit just about anything under that ball gown--including me. Could make for an interesting evening. I say we go for it."

Lindy laughed. "Sounds like we agree then. Funny how one of us has to mention the possibility of sex to get an agreement." She slipped her arm around his waist. "I guess I should start looking for a formal dress as well. Most of what I have is more business oriented." She paused before asking her next question. "What should I expect at the Gathering? You've said there would be other newly Transformed vampires, but what else?"

"Well, the first night is a bit chaotic. Although you're encouraged to attend the Gathering every year, most don't. So the first five or so hours is a bit like orientation. Saying hello to old friends, meeting new ones, putting aside any grievances. Yet, if there was a fight to be worked out, that would be the time to do it. The Council usually convenes at that time. Most people don't bother to attend that part of it, but I find that's the best chance to catch up on important issues for us.

"Later, around 3 am, there's a formal banquet, where you'll have a chance to introduce yourself if you'd like. Most of the newly initiated are welcomed at that time, and become familiar with the constitution we abide by. The oldest vampires are celebrated, and great achievements made by any of us are announced. It's a bit like an awards ceremony, yet hopefully not as nerve wracking."

"Sounds like it will be fascinating. Oldest vampires, huh? Would that include you, Anton and..." She trailed off, thinking of the other vampire she knew of that might qualify as oldest. Lindy looked up at him, expression completely serious. "I'm assuming that Natasha will be there. We should be safe, right? She wouldn't be so crazy as to try something?"

"If she is there, I'll have her brought before the Council immediately. You have nothing to worry about. The punishment for misdeeds during the Gathering is severe. If she shows up, which I doubt she will, she wouldn't be stupid enough to try anything." He put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close to his body. "And to answer your earlier question, yes Anton and I are among the elders, but I won't be honored at banquet until I'm 1,000 years old. Even Anton is a juvenile compared to the Empress, though. She's been around longer than any of us. Not even she could tell you how old she is. She claims she's only younger than God himself."

Lindy's eyes were wide. Anton seemed ancient to her, and he was a youngster compared to this Empress? She hadn't considered how long forever really was. "Empress? You make her sound like she's your leader," she said softly.

"She is. Unlike a country, we have one leader that never changes. Lilith is more than a queen to us, some say she's more like our mother, and has been referred to as the Empress since some time in the middle ages. She claims that she's the same woman who married Adam before Eve, but I find that a little too ridiculous to believe. In any case, she'll be our leader until she's destroyed."

Lindy nodded, her eyes still wide. "But Anton mentioned something about a Council of Elders? I thought they would be the leaders, not this Empress."

"Not exactly, Lind. The Council of Elders is made up of six vampires elected by their peers, each at least 750 years old. They try to handle the day to day issues that come up. The Empress oversees the Council and is called on to break any ties. The members of the Council are elected whenever a position opens due to a vampire stepping down or being ousted."

"Have you served on the Council, Nate? Or do you have any aspirations to do so?"

"Uh, no I haven't. And I'm honestly not sure that I'd want to. I've never been very interested in politics, really. Besides, the Council has a much bigger set of responsibilities than a normal government has. They ultimately decide the outcome or punishment in every major dispute. Their word is law--and if they mess up, they have to live with that mistake. It's hard enough to do that with your own life, let alone several thousands. Anton's done it, though. I think he might've like it, too."

"I may ask him about that." She squeezed his waist affectionately. "I want to start learning some of this stuff before the Gathering. I want to be a credit to my teacher, and make sure he's proud of me."

"Lindy, I'm proud of you no matter what. Whether you know everything there is to know, or you walk in the door a blank slate. This isn't a contest. Learning is part of the reason you're going. Believe me, there's not going to be a pop quiz at the banquet. And even if there were, I'd still be proud of you even if you failed miserably. I love you for you, Lindy. Not for what you know or don't know. Or whether you feed on the living or not. The sooner you realize that no one's judging you, the better."

She leaned against him a little more. "Well, with such a wise husband, I should realize it really quickly. And I like learning things from you." She stood up and kissed the tip of his nose. "What do you say we go back to the hotel room and continue our lessons?"

"Sounds good to me, Lind."

Bryn was starting to get used to sitting on a doctor's table in only a thin hospital-style gown. Although it still wasn't anything she'd consider comfortable, as long as she remained focused on the moment she was okay. She held on to Anton's hand, while Dr. Leahs performed the preliminary examination of her cervix, her toes tapping to the piped version of "Shake Your Booty" softly floating in through a speaker in the ceiling. She was anxious, not because of the speculum the doctor was picking up, but, because this visit they'd get to see another ultrasound of Max. Despite Jess' reassurances that he was developing normally, Bryn knew she'd only really feel better once she saw for herself.

Anton squeezed her hand, a bit nervous himself as he watched Dr. Leahs continue examining Bryn. The doctor had a poker face on as she poked at Bryn, pausing every so often scribble down her notes. Eventually, Anne pulled back and raised the lower half of the exam table. "You can take your feet out of the stirrups now," she said, pulling off her gloves. "Give me a moment to wash my hands, and we can start the ultrasound."

Bryn put her feet down, then scooted back several inches from the edge of the table. When the doctor was finished drying her hands, she grabbed a sheet from the cabinet.

"We'll use this to drape over your lap," she said, unfolding the linen.

"Did everything look okay down there?" Bryn said, somewhat abashedly.

"Everything looks fine," Anne said, laying the sheet in place. She sat down on the round stool, turning to the monitor to set everything up for the ultrasound. "If anything, I'd like to see you eating more often during the day. You're bordering on being underweight."

Bryn could quite contain her smile as she said, "Okay."

Anton watched as Anne grabbed a tube of jelly and started spreading it on Bryn's stomach. "Are you going to perform another amino?"

The doctor turned on the ultrasound machine. "I'd rather not at this point, unless I see something I don't like." She started moving the wand over Bryn's stomach until a rhythmic sound filled the ear. "The heartbeat sound nice and strong."

Bryn smiled at the sound, absently playing with Anton's fingers. She continued to watch the monitor, not altogether sure what she was seeing. Then she remembered the spine being referred to as a string of pearls, and brightened up in recognition.

"God, he's so big..." She glanced at Anton. "He's never going to fit. And he's still growing!"

"I think you'll be okay. If he does get too big, we'll schedule a C-section" Anne said, still studying the screen. "He looks to be on target for his age, and I don't see any abnormalities." She grinned. "If I hadn't seen the amino results, I'd pronounce him one hundred percent normal."

Anton let out a big sigh of relief, stroking his thumb over the back of Bryn's hands. "So we're out of the woods?"

"No, not by a long shot, but I'm feeling a lot better about him."

Bryn grinned at Anton as the ultrasound showed Max's face. "You can certainly tell he's ours...look at those lips!"

Anton grinned, glad she hadn't chosen another body part to compare. "Although it's a good question exactly whose lips he's inherited." He looked intently at the ultrasound, trying to burn the image into his memory. This was his son cradled in Bryn's belly, a child who shouldn't be, but somehow was. A child he thought he thought he never would have.

After indulging their curiosity for a few minutes more, Dr. Leahs turned off the monitor and wiped off the ultrasound wand. She gave Bryn a towel to wipe off her belly as well. "As long as you're eating regularly and keeping up with your transfusions, I'll see you in two weeks. I'll get some more ampoules to you before you go, too."

"Thank you," Bryn said, sitting up.

The doctor nodded and headed towards the door, also acknowledging Anton's thanks before she left the room. Bryn yawned, although with a slight curve to her lips.

"Where are we stopping for dinner?"

Anton picked up her clothes off the chair. "Well, there's the pizza place a few doors down. Or there's a steakhouse back by the freeway. Or the Mexican restaurant I know of a few miles from here. I can't tell you how relieved I am that Dr. Leahs confirmed that Max is okay. I trust what Jess says, but still, it's comforting."

She nodded, slipping off the table and accepting her clothes. "I feel better, too. I'm just worried about how big he's going to get. Whether it's a normal delivery or a C-section, it's going to be really painful. I always get sick after an operation. I can't even imagine vomiting after having your belly cut open." She mock-shuddered. Pulling on her underwear, she said, "Still, I can't get over the fact that she said I'm bordering on underweight! I get to eat!"

Anton grinned at her obvious enthusiasm. "Well, then let's go get you fed." He couldn't resist teasing her a bit. "And you will clean your plate, young lady, or no desert for you."

Zipping up her jeans, she arched an eyebrow. "Oooh, wouldn't want to miss dessert. That's the best part."

They had returned to the hotel room after wandering around the vineyard for a few hours. But not before making out in Nate's car. She carried the bottle of Bordeaux they had purchased, putting it on the table before taking a seat on the bed. "Nate, come over here for a moment." She waited until he sat down beside her before she turned to face him, taking his hands. "I want to thank you for this weekend, Nathaniel. I don't think I'm ready to hunt humans yet, but I feel a lot more confident that I will be able to. And I'll try not to be so hard on myself in the future."

"Good. That's all I wanted to hear, Lindy. I don't care if you never feed on humans again, just as long as you're not giving up on the possibility. There's no telling what might happen in the future...there may come a day when humans are our only source of nourishment. I want you to be prepared, that's all."

"I'll try, Nate." She leaned forward and brushed her lips across his. "As much as I'd like to stay here forever, I think we need to go back home tomorrow. We need to start getting ready for the Gathering, and I'm really missing Liam." She cocked her head to one side. "Are we taking him with us?"

"I don't know, Lind. We'd need a baby sitter, and I don't know that anyone in your family is going to want to sit in a hotel room most of the time. I think he might be better off staying at home with them. Unless you can think of a way to talk Amanda into it."

Lindy shook her head. "I don't think we can talk Mom into letting her miss that much school. I just think we'll have to be content with showing off pictures of him." Lindy leaned forward, elbow on her knee, head on her fist. "I guess I should start looking for a dress as well."

"Already taken care of." Smiling enigmatically, he laid back on the bed. "It's in the suitcase. The last package I brought with us. Go ahead and open it. I think all you need to worry about for the banquet is shoes."

Giving him a crooked smile, she stood up and walked over to the suitcase. She pulled out the large white box tucked into the bottom of it. She carried the box back to the bed and plopped down beside Nate. Removing the lid of the box, she pulled the tissue paper to one side. "Oh...my...God." The dress was black vinyl and floor length from the looks of it. Straps laced across it down to the small of the back to hold the skin tight bodice in place. "This is what you want me to wear?" she said with a slight laugh.

His smile faded rapidly. "I thought it would look good on you. But we can take it back and you can look for something else. I guess I'm not very good at picking out clothing."

"No, no, it's not that. It's just..." She looked at him from under her shyly dipped head. "I just never really considered ever wearing something so overtly sexy."

"Like I said, we can take it back. I should've let you pick out your own dress anyway." He got off the bed before she could say anything else, and walked towards the bathroom. "I'm--I need to pee. You can put that away."

With that, he closed and locked the door behind him.

Lindy sighed, knowing that she had inadvertently upset him. Looking thoughtfully at the dress, she stood up and held it against her. Shucking her slacks, shirt and bra, she pulled on the dress. It fit her perfectly, except that she couldn't do up the laces across her back. Holding the bodice to her chest with one arm, she walked over to the bathroom. "Nate? Come out here for a moment please? I can't tie a bow behind my back."

She could hear the water running as he flushed the toilet, then washed his hands. It was another minute or so before he opened the door. He stared at her, expressionless, before saying, "Take it off, Lindy. It looks ridiculous."

"You sure about that?" She looked down at the hem of her dress, bare feet peeking out. "Cause I was thinking it would look great with either platforms or a pair of stilettos." The smile on her face fell off when she didn't see him react. "Okay, Nate. I'll take it off." She walked back over to the bed where the box was, and started easing the shoulder straps over her shoulders. "You know Nate, just because I question something at first, it doesn't mean I don't like it. It just means that I need a moment to get used to the idea."

"Do you know when the last time I gave a gift was? I mean, before I met you." He waited until she shook her head to continue. "1671. A little over three hundred years ago. I hadn't been as smart as Anton during that time. I wasted my money foolishly, gambling, until I had very little left. So when I wanted to buy a present for the woman I was sleeping with, Mary Stewart, I had hardly a penny to my name. I couldn't afford to stay in my own house anymore. I ended up giving her flowers for her birthday, and I can still hear her laughter. She said I'd brought her weeds, and told me to throw them away. I didn't say anything because I was of the same opinion myself. They were only wildflowers, and she deserved much better. She had her own solarium for growing orchids, for God's sake, but I brought her weeds.

"Several months later, after starting to save wisely, I saved up enough money to get her something really good. Or so I thought. I bought her a gold brooch. It wasn't fancy, but I was all I could afford. When I gave it to her, I didn't notice that she was already wearing a very fancy necklace, adorned with jewels and pearls, a gift from another suitor. Mary looked at the gold brooch I'd given her, smiled appropriately, and then put it in a drawer. Never to be worn. After that, I didn't give gifts anymore. I felt I was better off saving the money, using my charm instead. At least that was free.

"So do whatever you want to do. Take the dress back, find something else. Pick something that suits you. Because I don't think I want to be the one to return it myself."

Lindy swallowed, feeling like scum. Not taking the dress off any further, she walked over to him. "Nate, I'm sorry she treated you that way, because you didn't deserve it." She pressed in close, not quite kissing him, but looking up into his eyes. "I'm not going to return the dress. I'm going to keep it and wear it to the Gathering with pride. Not because it fits me perfectly. Not because I look great in it. I'm keeping it because you gave it to me, and that is enough to make it precious to me. It could be a patched potato sack, and I still would wear it, because you gave it to me."

He looked down at her, unblinking, his eyes slightly watering. "I don't want you to wear something you don't like just to make me happy. That's not why I told you that story. I wanted you to realize that I haven't done this in a long time, and I obviously don't make excellent choices."

"That is not true, and you know it. What about Lily? What about this?" She grabbed one of his hands and placed a finger on the diamond hanging her neck. "Nate, I said what I did because when I have to get dressed up, it's usually for a business function. Not something I could wear this type of dress to. And I'm still getting used to the idea that it's okay for me to express my sexuality. But I like this dress, Nate. I wouldn't have tried it on if I didn't."

He nodded, then walked over to sit on the bed. "I shouldn't have gotten upset like that. It just brought back quite a few memories I'd rather forget." He leaned back against the headboard, stretching his legs out in front of him. "Why don't you order us some room service and we can pretend this didn't happen."

"Well, room service sounds good, but pretending this didn't happen?" She shook her head. "I worry about you, Nate. I worry about you thinking you have to hold things back about your past because you're afraid I won't love you anymore. And I worry that those things will eat you up inside." She sat down on the other side of the bed. "I'd rather we talk about them when they come up, rather than pretend they didn't exist."

He closed his eyes briefly, his jaw clenching. He couldn't seem to look at her anymore. He just stared blankly at the opposite wall, as if fascinated with the paint texture. "What do you want to know, Lindy?"

"Everything," she answered. She still stared up at him, unable to take her eyes off of his sad face. "I want to know what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, what makes you scream, what makes you moan. I want to know who your other lovers were, whose hearts you broke, who broke your heart. I want to know your regrets, your hopes, your fears, what you beat yourself up over." A single tear slipped out of her left eye. "I want you to show me the darkest corner of your soul, so I can show you that the light and love within you is so much greater."

His own tears fell shortly afterwards, slipping silently and unacknowledged down his cheeks. "Liam makes me laugh. Monty Python, George W. Bush, and Dr. Seuss make me laugh. Sitting here dragging up my past should make me laugh, but it doesn't. Instead, I feel threatened and vulnerable...and angry. Very angry. But most of all sad, because my life was pathetic until you walked into it."

"I'm sorry, Nate. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel angry or vulnerable or threatened or sad." She scooted close enough to put her arms around him, tucking his head under her chin. "If you're not ready to tell me, if you can't tell me now, then don't force it. I can wait. It'll be an opportunity to start cultivating that famous vampire patience you were telling me about the other day."

He sighed, quietly wrapping his arm around her. "No. You asked, and there's not going to be a better time to tell you. It'll be just as emotional, no matter what the circumstances, so we might as well do this now. Give me a specific question. What do you want to know?"

Lindy paused for a moment, stroking his back. She had so many questions, she wasn't sure where to start, except for one that had occurred to her on the ride back to the hotel. "Other than myself and Natasha, have you Transformed any other of your, man I don't even know how many you've had, lovers?"

"Not even I know how many I've had," he said, with a soft laugh. Even thought it wasn't really amusing. Sobering, he said, "I went through a long period of deep depression, and got somewhat addicted to opium. There were opium dens in Paris where I would stay for days. They're dark, smoky, and once you're feeling nice and tingly, you start to get very amorous. People would start shedding their clothes within minutes. Sometimes it was like a big orgy, naked bodies writhing everywhere. I don't even know how many women I was with there...but I do know I was with two men." He swallowed heavily. "And no, I haven't ever Transformed any women. Although sometimes I wanted to."

She gently continued stroking him, pressing her lips to his head. "You were that lonely and desperate?" she whispered softly. "To hear Anton tell it, before you two reconciled, you were always with Natasha, seeking to make his life a living hell." She shied away from asking exactly what it was he and Natasha did together, although part of her was morbidly curious. "Tell me something about the ones you did want to Transform, and why you didn't."

"You answered your own question, Lindy. I was with Natasha--of course I was that lonely and desperate."

He let out a deep sigh, letting his head fall back on his shoulders. "The girl I most remember wanting to Transform, who I should've taken notice of much sooner than I did, was Emily Wilder. She was the younger sister of a human friend I had in the mid-1890's. She was short and spunky, a bit of a tomboy, and rarely ever stopped talking. I was living in Boston then, trying my hardest to hide from Natasha...which is definitely harder than it sounds. But I was up to my old tricks, chasing a woman who was engaged to be married, and I thought life was good.

"Emily was sixteen when I first met her. She had long brown hair, always worn in two braids like a little girl. And she had a pleasant enough face, but she was a bit overweight--most of the boys her age teased her relentlessly about it. Stupidly, I barely even noticed her myself. I had my own seduction routine in progress, and I was very focused. Then, Joseph, her brother and my friend, told me that she had a crush on me. At first, I thought he was joking...but I soon realized that she would listen intently to everything I said, would follow me around the city even when Joseph wasn't with me, and she looked at me with these big doe eyes."

He got a small smile on his face, remembering. "I was flattered, but really not interested. Neither she or Joseph had any clue that I was a vampire, and I wasn't about to tell them. Still, I didn't want to be rude, so I'd sometimes invite Emily along on small trips I made, or buy her ice cream. I was careful not to string her along, or get her hopes up...I made it clear that I was interested in someone else, and that I couldn't ever be with her. She said she understood, and she just wanted to be my friend. She ended up being one of the best friends I've ever had."

She leaned her cheek against the top of his head. "She sounds like she was a lovely person. I wish I could have met her." She continued to rub his shoulders, waiting for him to continue.

"She was a lovely person." He was quiet for a moment. "She became determined to make me happy, and did that by trying to help me win over the woman I adored. It's funny...I can't even remember that woman's name anymore." His eyes grew sad again, his gaze distant. "Emily wanted to help me in any way she could, and I took advantage of that. I never even thought about her feelings, because I was becoming closer and closer to--Victoria! That's what her name was. Finally, I had a passionate affair with her, unbeknownst to her fiance, and despite Emily's friendship. I almost lost touch with Emily during that time. After less than a week, Victoria decided that it was over between us and went back to her fiance. And I should've been heartbroken, but I wasn't. Not yet. Not until I realized that Emily no longer wanted anything to do with me."

He sucked in a shuddering breath, bending forward slightly. "I had depended on that friendship so much, and I took it for granted. I hurt her badly. I realized that all that time she'd been helping me chase Victoria, she'd been nursing her own broken heart. She'd lost weight, uninterested in eating. And I noticed, too late, that besides the friendship, I did have an attraction to her. It wasn't her looks, but her inner beauty that drew me to her. I craved her laughter, her smiles. I became almost obsessed in her, and she didn't want me anymore." He shook his head, tears rolling down his face. "Eventually, she started being courted by another man. They were engaged within two weeks. I went to her, begging her forgiveness, telling her I didn't want to be without her--but she married him, and she moved away. I never saw her again. I did love her...but not the way she deserved. Not the way he loved her. I will always regret losing such a special friend. And I'll always regret the way I used her. It was the cruelest thing I've ever done."

Lindy continued to rub him, gently pressing her lips to his forehead. She didn't know what to say, didn't know how to comfort him. All she could think of doing was to hold him.

He propped his head up on his knees, remaining quiet for a few minutes. His breathing steadied, at least somewhat. "The only other woman I ever wanted to Transform was dying. I only knew her for a few hours. She was a mother, and she was very kind. But I realized that it was her time to go, so I stood by and did nothing. I watched her die. And I hated it."

She continued to stroke him, giving him tactile reassurance that she was with him. "But she didn't die alone, Nathaniel. You were there with her, and that was some comfort to her, I'm sure."

"Maybe you went through all this so that you would be ready when you found me again. Anton kept finding Bryn, Brinley, whatever you want to call her, because he was ready. Maybe it took your soul just a while longer to heal. You learned something from all of them, Nathaniel. And when you could put all the pieces of what you learned together into a whole, that's when you found me again. And this time, you're not going to lose me." With his cheek lightly in her palm, she turned his head. "That's a promise," she whispered before kissing him.

He let out a soft sob against her mouth, then pulled her close, holding her tightly to him as he pressed his lips to hers. He was shaking, looking like a frightened little boy in his father's dark suit. He clutched her to him, pulling her into his lap, his grip almost painfully tight.

She held on to him, trying to physically reassure him that she was going nowhere. She snuggled closer as they kissed. And when that kiss ended, she lingered, pressing her lips to his cheek and forehead. "Are you okay, Nathaniel? I know you've been telling me when I'm ready to go home, we can. But what about you? What do you need?"

His breathing was a bit ragged, his eyes closed as he continued to hold her. "I want to go home, Lind. I need to see Liam, and hold him, and just lie in bed with both of you snuggled close to me. That's all I need."

"Tomorrow, I promise." She gently ran her fingers through his hair. "We'll go home, get Liam, and just spend the day together." She pressed her lips to his again, only to pull back after a few seconds. "Do you want me to take off the dress now?"

He nodded, using his toes to push his shoes off his heels and onto the floor. He watched as she silently stood up and started pushing the dress off her hips. He hoped she didn't hear his quiet sigh of relief. Although he knew she wanted to know as much about his past as she could, he wasn't all that excited about dredging it all up. It had been bad enough to make him run to Natasha time and again, the first time around. Remembering it certainly wasn't a picnic either.

Lindy pulled herself up off the bed and walked over to the suitcase. She had known that there would be a lot of things to deal with in Nate's past, and she had hit her limit for the night. She slipped off the dress, neatly folding it up and putting into the box. Slipping off her panties as well, she walked back to the bed, and slipped under the covers. Rolling onto her side, she propped her head up on one elbow, watching him.

He was quiet as he unfastened his jeans, shoving them and his black briefs to the floor. He stripped off his T-shirt and socks as well, then settled onto his back and tucked the covers into place. Staring at the ceiling, he was quiet for while. Until he said, "I'm sorry I freaked out about the dress. I guess you aren't the only one who needs counseling."

She snuggled closer, resting her head on his shoulder. "That's okay, Nate," she said, putting her arm around him. "I've only got 23 years worth of stuff to work through. I can't imagine what it would be like to have almost ten centuries' worth."

He sighed. "Me either." He looked down at her, his eyes slowly sweeping over her face. "I always forget how young you are. Most of the time you seem much older and wiser than I am." Slipping an arm under her, he pulled her on top of him, coaxing her closer to kiss her mouth. His kiss was slow and tender, not the exploratory fervor she was used to. When he spoke again, his lips brushed against hers. "I love you so much, Lindy. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"And you'll never find out." She gently nipped at his lips. "There's no way in hell I'm letting you get away from me." Running her nose along his jaw, she began to kiss his neck. "In fact, I might just have to mark you to make sure everyone knows to stay away." She began sucking on his neck, just behind the corner of his jaw, occasionally nipping with her teeth.

Nathaniel exhaled, his breath slightly shaky, and lifted his hands to gently rub her back. He buried his nose in her hair, breathing in deeply. He loved the weight of her, pressing her warm breasts into his chest. The way her hips cradled his, her legs straddling his, her feet tucked behind his knees. And he felt so comfortable and protected, he began to get a bit drowsy.

She continued to nibble on him for a minute or two, smiling when she felt his muscles relax beneath him. She let her fingers start to wander over his chest, caressing him. Her lips moved along his jaw, pausing to nip just at the top of his neck.

He let out a soft rumble, sliding his hands down to cup her ass in his palms. He shifted her forward, allowing his cock to ease out from between them. His erection stood up immediately, nudging the cleft of her ass. "I want inside you, Lind. Now."

She let out a soft moan and sat up. Gently rubbing circles on his chest, she scooted down his body so their groins were rubbing together. With an intense look of concentration, she lifted up and sank down on his cock. She let out a slight hiss as he stretched her open.

He let out a soft grunt, grabbing her hips and pulling her down as he arched to fill her. He was panting, his mouth open, as she settled tightly onto him. Lifting his hands, he slid them up and over her stomach, lightly holding her breasts, as if weighing them in his palms. His grip quickly became more deliberate, squeezing and kneading her, flicking her nipples with his thumbs.

"You feel so damned good, Lind." He licked his lips. "I want to stay inside you all day long. Then whenever I start getting hard, you can ride me."

She shivered at his words. "That sounds like a perfect day to me, Nathaniel." She slid her hands up and down his arms before exploring his chest. "Although half of what gets me hot is anticipating when you push inside me for that first time." Slowly she began to move on him, her eyes shut and a smile on her face.

"You like that, huh?" He lightly pinched her nipples, pulling and twisting them between his fingers. "You're so tight when I first get inside you. It makes my breath catch." He gasped as she tightened around him. "Uhh...just like that."

She tilted her head back, giving a little twist of her hips. "I love how you feel when you move in me. Sometimes I think you're going to split me wide open, and I relish every second of it." She lightly scratched down his chest before guiding one of his hands down between her legs.

He let his fingers tease the ring of flesh wrapped so tightly around his cock, slick with her juices. He deliberately avoided her clit, even though he left it fully exposed. He softly blew towards the spot, the cool air making her squirm. Drawing some of her moisture onto his fingertips, he lightly traced circles around her clit, teasing but not quite touching it.

She whimpered, smiling a bit, relieved he seemed to be back to normal. Taking his other hand, she lifted it to her mouth. After kissing each fingertip and his palm, she slipped his index finger into her mouth. She nibbled the tip first, and then licked along the length before sucking on it.

He twitched beneath her and inside of her, lifting his hips to counteract her movements upon him. He could feel his balls tightening, and moved his finger to cover her clit. Letting her own movements add to the stimulation. Grunting softly as she squeezed him even more. "Cum for me, baby. Make me cum with you."

She moaned, letting his finger slide from her mouth. She reached down to press his finger more firmly against her clit. She moved slowly on him once, twice, and then again. Her head snapped back and she gave a sharp cry, shaking above him.

He couldn't hold back any longer. Gripping her hip with his free hand, he held her steady while he pumped himself into her from below. His erratic, rapid thrusts seemed to stimulate her further, and as she spasmed around him, he felt his orgasm rocket through his body. He shot his semen into her, his body bowed beneath her, a loud moan escaping between his clenched teeth.

She shook above him, trembling, her mouth hanging open. Panting heavily, she fell forward, collapsing on him. Her arms went around him, holding him tight as she tried to catch her breath. She squeezed his cock, which was still in her, lightly. She gently kissed his neck, lapping at the sweat that had pooled on his skin.

"God, Lind, I think you broke me. My muscles feel like mush." He nuzzled the top of her head, and rested a hand on her back, but the rest of him was quite limp, sinking into the mattress. His breathing slowly returning to normal, he kissed her forehead. "Ready to check out of here when we get up?"

"Yeah, I think so." She melted against him, muscles relaxed, but still taking deep breaths. "So I guess it's back to the real world for us?" she said quietly.

He smiled softly, even though he knew she couldn't see it. "Yes. But that doesn't mean we have to stay there. We can come back here, or go somewhere else, anytime you want. Just say the word, Lind. I'll take you wherever you want to go."

They had dinner at a small cafe in Los Gatos. It was still early in the evening, and it seemed a little pointless to Anton make the half hour drive back to their home. Walking back to his car, with his arm around his wife's shoulder. "So, my dear, is there anything you'd like to do?"

She pressed her lips together, pausing for a moment on the sidewalk. "Actually, yes. I was kind of curious about going to a sex shop." She blushed slightly, then licked her lips. "We don't have to if you don't want to, but it's something I've wondered about for a while."

Anton thought a moment, pulling out his keys. "Well, there is a place on the way back to the highway." Coming up to the car parked on a side street, he hit the car alarm and waited for the chirp before opening the passenger door for Bryn. "I'm game if you are, my dear."

She stepped forward until she was standing between him and the car, then turned to face him. "Sometimes I think you go along with my crazy requests just to humor me. And when I start to wonder why, I realize that I'd do just about anything you asked of me, too." She tucked her fingers into his belt loops, pulling him closer. "Thank you for loving me the way you do. You make me feel like the most important person on Earth. And I hope I can make you feel just as special as you do me."

Anton smiled and leaned forward to kiss her. "You already do, my dear. "He gestured back to the door. "Shall we? The night is still young and...well, one of us is too." He gave a quirky smile as Bryn got into the car, giggling and then got into the car himself. Settling in the driver's seat, he arched an eyebrow at her, the grin still on his face. "Are you merely curious, my dear, or do you have a shopping list?"

She chewed on her lip, lightly blushing again. "Well...it would be nice if we had a vibrator. Other than that, I was thinking that whatever looks like fun we could check it out." She twisted in her seat to meet his gaze, tucking one ankle under her other thigh. "As much as we have sex, we rarely ever talk about it. Is there anything that you want to try? Or maybe, definitely *don't* want to try? I know you once told me never to be embarrassed in our bed...I just want to make sure I never do anything to embarrass you."

"Bryn, you could never embarrass me." Keeping an eye on the traffic, he reached over to stroke the back of her head.

She leaned into his touch. Old habits made her want to say that she was a walking embarrassment, but she forced herself not to say anything self-demeaning. "But is there something you want to try, or don't want to try?"

"I hadn't really thought about it, Bryn. My plan was to just let things evolve between us, and deal with things as they come up." He pulled into a parking lot and shut off the car. "We're here, my dear."

She nodded, feeling somewhat saddened. Every time she brought up the subject of sex, and his likes or dislikes, he gave her a generic answer. A safe answer. It wasn't going to be easy to learn from him if he never opened up to her.

"Anton...when do you think we'll be equals in this relationship?"

He frowned at her. "What are you talking about?"

"I know that your money is mine and mine is yours, but I still don't feel comfortable spending it. I don't like to make decisions without you, because I ultimately feel that yours will be the deciding vote. I'm younger, so maybe it's the age difference, but I feel like the subordinate in this relationship. It's not anything you're doing...it's more like, what you aren't doing. You pay the bills, and you are the one that people answer to, and you decide what you want to tell me and what you don't want to tell me." She took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice from sounding accusatory. "I'm not bringing this up because I want to fight with you, or because I'm blaming you for anything. I'm just telling you how I see things. And I don't see us as equals at all. I'm honestly not even sure that you want me to be your equal."

"Bryn, I'm sorry that I've made you feel that way. Or course I want you to be my equal." He gently reached for her hand, running his thumb over the back of her hand. "I'm used to taking care of things, taking care of my wives. If I've overshadowed you, I'm sorry. "That's not what I've meant to do." He thought for a moment. "Would it help if I included you in some of the decisions I make? Paying the bills?"

"Yes, I think it would. I think it might also help if I had at least a small share in the business." She stared at her pants, still somewhat nervous about bringing all of this up. "I think most of all, it would make me feel better if I knew what it was you were doing. I mean, obviously I don't have any say in your executive decisions, but that doesn't mean I can't make suggestions. I just--I want to understand. I feel like you go to work and become someone else entirely, someone I don't know. You're always trying to convince me that you're a hard boss to work for, and I want to know why. I want to know what your relationship is like with your secretary, and what your name means to consumers, and...I don't know, anything. God, I'd even like to know what you do during a 'coffee break'. I want to know you, Anton."

He gently squeezed her hand. "I can do that, Bryn. I'm sorry if I seem secretive at times Even with someone I love, it can be hard for me to open up."

She sighed inwardly, feeling like she wasn't getting anywhere. "Let's just go in and get this over with, so we can go home."

Anton bit back a sigh of his own. "Are you sure you want to do this now, Bryn? I'm sorry that I ruined the mood."

"No, actually, I'm not sure I want to do this now." She sank back against her seat, closing her eyes. She tried to control the slight quiver of her eyelids, hoping a sudden rush of moisture wouldn't follow. "What aren't you telling me, Anton? I ask you to tell me about yourself and what you do at work, and you say 'I can do that.' Not 'I will do that,' or 'here, this is what you want to know', but some...some promise to do so sometime in the distant or not-ever future. In other words, 'don't hold your breath, Bryn.' If you don't want me to know, fine. Tell me that. But don't tell me you're going to do something when you obviously have no intention of doing so."

She sat in angered silence for a second before screeching in anger. "Aaggghh--gawd!" She got out of the car suddenly, leaving the door open and stalking into the parking lot. "Sometimes you just make me so angry I want to hit you--and at the same time I'm reminded that you're so God-damned mature and 'above' showing that kind of emotion that you'd never do something so juvenile!"

He had followed her out of the car. "Bryn, do you know how many times I'd like to do that? Just throw my hands up in frustration and walk away? Kick and scream and rage about a situation? But I can't. Because I was taught from a young age to soldier through it, to not express it, because it wouldn't change what happened. That's not maturity, Sabryn. It's ruthless repression." He sighed. "And I don't know that I know how to stop doing that."

"So what am I supposed to do?" she asked, her voice heavy with emotion. "Should I stop pushing and just accept that you don't want to tell me anything? Should I just not care that Lindy, and the people who work for you know part of you that I'll never meet? Do you want me to pretend that this never happened, and we can go back to our old roles, and you can be the boss, and I'll be your ditsy little housewife and child-breeder? Because that's exactly what I feel like! You introduce me to these employees, and they look at me like all I do is sit at home baking cookies and making sure the house is lemony-fresh. You say I don't embarrass you...well, why the hell not? Because this version of me you've created sure as hell embarrasses me!"

He leaned back against the car. "That's not what I intended at all, Bryn. I'm sorry." He sighed, hands in the pockets of his jacket. "I'll tell you all you want to know about what I'm like at work. Or you can spend an evening at work with me. But there are some things I just can't talk about." [Even after a millennium,] he mentally added with a trace of bitterness. "I'm sorry."

"Like what? You're secretly working for the CIA?" Her sarcasm sounded awfully grating, even to her. Struggling to calm down, she said, "Fine. If you don't want to tell me certain things about yourself, just say so. Tell me 'shut up, Bryn' or something else equally effective. Just don't tell me you'll bring it up someday. Later, eventually, when I get around to it. I'm your wife, not a member of the press. I deserve a little courtesy."

She shook her head, staring at the ground. "I'm sorry I'm being a bitch. I know I am. But it scares me, and it hurts me so much to know that you're hiding things from me. I'm sorry that you don't trust me."

That cut him to the quick. "I'm sorry, Bryn. I..." He looked up to the sky, as if seeking guidance. "There is something I should have told you a long time ago, but...I just couldn't." He let his chin drop onto his chest with a heavy sigh, and then looked at her. "I can't talk about it here," he said with a slight shake of his head. "Can we just go home, and I'll try to explain?"

She nodded silently, then headed towards the open passenger door. Before he could walk around the car, she pulled him closer. Holding his hands in hers. "I love you, Anton. There will never be a single thing you could say to change that. I'm not going to leave you, I'm not going to think less of you, and I'm certainly not going to stop loving you. Ever."

He took another deep breath and put his arms around her. It had been enough of a struggle for him to tell her just this much. How would he be able to tell her... "I love you too, Bryn," he whispered softly against her hair. He wasn't going to lose her again, not to a lingering distrust.

She hugged him back tightly, turning her head to kiss the corner of his mouth. "Let's go home."

When they pulled into the garage and made their way into the house, she held on to his hand. Hoping that her touch was reassuring. She was nervous herself, wondering what was on his mind. And judging by the look on his face, he was more than nervous...almost ill with dread was more like it.

They both greeted Petunia just inside the door, then walked down the hallway towards the open foyer. She wasn't sure if he wanted to go upstairs, or into the living room.

"You don't have to do this, Anton. I told you that if you don't want to tell me something, just tell me to back off. You can still do that, if you need to."

He shook his head, walking into the living room. "No, Bryn. You deserve to know." He walked over to the couch and sat down heavily on the couch. Pausing to stroke Petunia who was sniffing at his shoes, he gestured to the spot next to him. "Sit down, Bryn." He waited until she was on the couch before speaking again. "This isn't going to be easy for me, Bryn."

"You've said my name three times now. You're stalling. Don't fight it...just let it come out." She rubbed her hand across his back. "Do you want me to hold you? Or would you feel better if I wasn't touching you?"

"No. Please, hold me. I need...reassurance." He sighed heavily, biting the inside of his lip, looking at the ceiling, searching for words. "It's easy when you're used to keeping a tight rein on your emotions regarding one event for that control to spill over to other areas. And that is what's happened. And I'm sorry about that, Bryn."

"I know you are." She rearranged the couch pillows in front of the arm rest, then laid back against it. Scooting towards the edge, she patted the space next to her. "Come here. Let me take care of you for a change."

She smiled softly as he let out a shaky breath. He moved to settle between her and the couch, on his side. She coaxed him to lay his head on her shoulder, then wrapped her arms around him and kissed his forehead. "Relax, sugar. Don't force it, or fight it. You'll tell me when you're ready. Just let me hold you and love you. I love you so much." She kissed him again. "Love you so much, sugar."

Eyes shut, he pressed his forehead to her shoulder. He was shaking against her, trying hard to find the words to get started. Just coming out and saying it bluntly didn't seem to be something he could do. He squeezed her gratefully when she reached behind them and pulled down the blanket covering the back of the couch. He felt detached and couldn't seem to get warm. Or stop the tremor running through him. Swallowing, he started to talk, figuring that if he couldn't talk about it, he could at least talk around it. "I...wasn't completely honest when I told you how I got the scar on my chest, Bryn. I'm sorry. It's just...sometimes when you lie to keep from facing the truth, it's so easy to start believing the lie yourself."

She tucked the blanket tighter around him, fighting the urge to find a couple more and pile them on top of him until his shivers stopped. Instead, she scooted close to him, hoping her body heat would do the trick. She rubbed her hands over his back and his arm, keeping his circulation moving, reassuring him with her touch. And she kissed him...wouldn't stop kissing his temple, the top of his head, whatever was in reach. She wasn't sure what was hurting him so much, but she was pretty sure he'd need all of the kisses he could get.

"It's okay, sugar. Don't worry about what you told me before. It doesn't matter. Just keep talking to me. That's all I want, right now."

He pressed his nose against her neck, taking a deep breath. "I couldn't have been any more than eight years old. I was learning how to use a sword, learning from some of the older soldiers. Most of them were fathers themselves and treated me kindly. But there were one or two..." He trailed off, shivering again.

"Bryn, have you ever met someone and know that there was something not quite right? Some instinct that yells at you to avoid this person? I felt that whenever I was around Viktor, but I didn't listen to my instincts."

"Maybe the other soldiers sensed the same thing, because there always seemed to be someone else with me whenever Viktor was around. But if they did, why didn't they try to stop--" He cut himself off abruptly, biting his lip.

She could feel her heart pounding with dread. Stroking the back of his neck, she pressed her lips against his hair line and murmured, "You were an innocent little boy, Anton. They should've protected you. There's absolutely no excuse not to. Adults are supposed to take care of children, not hurt them."

He didn't react to what she said. When he continued speaking, his voice was quiet, subdued. "It was after one of my practice sessions that Viktor followed me back to my quarters. I didn't know where the servants where, didn't know where anyone was that could help me. All I knew that Viktor was between me and the door, and I didn't like how he was looking at me."

Bryn closed her eyes, pressing tighter against him, starting to feel a chill herself. She knew what he was going to say. Knew it like her own face in the mirror. And she wished she hadn't asked him to open up to her, hadn't thrown a fit just to hear all of these horrible details. Even though she knew it wouldn't change what that man did to him.

"You're safe now, my love. I swear I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again."

He didn't say anything for several minutes, just held onto her tightly, face buried in her shoulder. He was still shaking, still felt cold despite Bryn's heat. "I grabbed my practice sword and unsheathed it, telling him to get out or else. He just laughed. It was a weak threat, and we both knew it. He had me disarmed after a brief struggle, but not before I cut him twice. He...carved that scar into me, telling me that I owed him for that, that he was marking me so everyone would know that I was his. He then forced me to undress..."

His breathing became rapid fire, short sharp pants bordering on hyperventilation. "I almost choked on him when he forced me to suck him off. But it wasn't enough for him. Not enough by a long shot. I remember being forced onto my bed, his weigh bearing down on my back, being suffocated by the bedding, his hands spreading my legs wide apart..."

He paused, swallowing once. "Thank God Ivan stepped into my room at that moment."

[Oh God...] She felt sick. [How could anyone do that to a child? What kind of monster would hurt a little boy?]

Realizing that in her shock she'd stopped moving, Bryn quickly resumed rubbing his back. And kissing his head. At the moment, it was all she could coherently think to do.

"He looked like an avenging demon, fangs and eyes gleaming. Viktor didn't even have a chance to try to defend himself. I had never seen Ivan feed before. And Ivan relished toying with Viktor, killing him slowly, making him pay for what he had done to me." His voice started to break. "Up until then, I had been Katerina's son, not his. He had been distant, keeping an eye on me, but never really taking anything more than a polite interest in what I was doing, as long as I was behaving. But after he killed Viktor, he pulled me to him, hugged me tight, told me that I'd never be hurt like that again..." Tears began leaking out of his tightly closed eyes.

She felt angry. Saddened and shocked. And although she knew she should've been crying just as much as he was, if not more, it felt like the tears were dammed. It was as if someone had just slapped her very hard, and she couldn't figure out how to react.

So she held him, and rocked him...and tried to figure out how to say she was sorry, without sounding like a big cliche. And the more she thought about it, the more it hurt.

[Someone hurt my baby...]

He pushed closer to her, the tears that he had been fighting for most of the conversation finding release as he spoke. "Ivan told me never to speak of it to anyone, not the guards, not Mother, not even him. I think he thought if I could forget, it wouldn't hurt me anymore. But I couldn't forget, no matter how hard I tried." He paused to take a few ragged breaths. "And because he asked me, and it was the first big thing he had asked from me, I did it. I'd wake up screaming in the night, Mother asking me what was wrong, and I would say nothing, no matter how badly it hurt. Oh God, how it hurts..." He couldn't speak anymore and began sobbing in earnest, clinging tightly to her.

She tucked him close, her ear against his, and quietly wept with him. Feeling as if she'd failed him somehow...that if she had truly been his mother in that past life, she should've done something. Should've fought and argued until she dragged the truth out of him. Could've held him and protected him, told him that he had no fault in what happened whatsoever.

"I'm so sorry, Antosha...I'm so sorry I didn't protect you." She let out her own sob, shaking as she tightened her clutching grip on him. "I'm so sorry I didn't hold you, and keep you safe...I never should've left my sweet boy alone."

His eyes opened when she said his mother's pet name for him. He continued to cry, clinging tightly to her. He was emotionally exhausted, and yet feeling that he had just laid down a huge weight he had been carrying for a long time. "I never told anyone, like he asked. Even after I left for the monastery, even after I married Brinley. I tried to tell myself as time went on that it didn't hurt as much, that it was no big deal. But I never believed it."

She scooted down on the couch, until they were face to face. She silently leaned forward and kissed him, lingering for a moment, before pulling back to squarely meet his gaze.

"I have *never* been more proud of you than I am right now. It took so much courage, and so much effort to tell me that. You were so brave, so strong, and I'm in awe of you. I'm so proud of you. So amazed. And I can't even begin to tell you how lucky I am, or how much I love you. And I'm going to keep loving you until it doesn't hurt anymore. I'll keep loving you forever."

He gently reached out and ran the back of his fingers over her cheek. "I love you too, Bryn. But right now I don't feel brave or strong. I just feel very, very tired."

"I'm sorry, sugar. Do you want to go upstairs and try to sleep? I bet you'll sleep a lot better now. But even if you don't, I'll keep holding you all night long. I promise."

"Please, Bryn." Anton waited for Bryn to get up off of the couch before he stood. Leaning heavily against her, he hugged her tight. "I love you so much, Bryn. Thank you for understanding."

"Anton, you never had anything to be ashamed of. You were a good little boy, and you did what you were told to do. I'm just so sorry you got hurt." She wrapped her arm around his waist, turning off the lights as they passed, then let him lean on her as they walked up the stairs. Even Petunia seemed to know that something was wrong as she walked, subdued, next to them--a far cry from her normal bouncing rush to get to the top. "I know what Ivan told you, sugar, and I know he thought that was best at the time...but I'm so grateful that you told me what happened. That's the only way you're going to heal."

"I don't know if that's possible, Bryn," he said as they walked down to the hallway. "I have been walking wounded for so long..." Sighing as they walked into the bedroom, he walked straight to the bed and sat down. He toed off his shoes and leaned back against the pillows.

"You never know," she murmured, slipping off her own shoes. "You may wake up tomorrow a different person." She quickly stripped out of her clothes, letting them fall to the floor, too lazy at the moment to carry them to the bathroom hamper. She glanced at him, then stepped over to the dresser and pulled out a nightgown. He probably didn't even want to think about sex any time soon. She didn't want to do anything that might add stress to what he was already experiencing. Lifting the gown over her head and slipping her arms into the short sleeves, she said, "I know it probably doesn't sound like a good idea to you right now, but if you want to talk to a counselor some time, I'd go with you. Just say the word."

He gave a heavy sigh. "I don't know, Bryn," he said, staring at the ceiling. "I couldn't tell him or her *everything,* for obvious reasons. Although it might be interesting to see the look on the counselor's face when I tell them my father drank my attacker's blood." He tilted up his head to look at her, head tilting to one side when he saw what she was wearing. "What's with the gown, Bryn?"

She walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. "I thought it might make you more comfortable. Sex is probably the last thing you want to think about right now."

He reached out to her, needing to touch her and be touched. "Actually, Bryn, it's not. It may sound silly to you, but I'm not at all certain right now that you find me attractive. And although you're trying to comfort me, that gown isn't sending that message, since I'm used to you sleeping in the nude with me."

She squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry. I'll take it off." She lifted up a bit, pulling the gown up to her waist before taking it off altogether. Resettling on the bed, she sat facing him, her legs bent towards her pillow. She scooted close, placing her hand on his stomach. "Sugar, you'll always be the most gorgeous man in the world to me. I look at you right now, and I wonder what you're doing with me. How did I ever get so lucky? The man I'm married to just happens to be my best friend, my soul mate, someone I'm wildly attracted to and have trouble keeping my hands off of." She leaned closer, softly kissing his mouth. "You'll always be beautiful to me."

He gave her a weak smile, one hand sliding up and down her arm. "Funny, Bryn. I was wondering the same thing. How I ended up with such a caring, loving, beautiful woman." Anton sat up so he could kiss her gently, his lips lingering against hers.

She let out a soft whimper against his mouth, struggling to keep from crying again. Holding him close, she cautiously opened her mouth and drew one of his lips between hers. Just barely sucking, ready to move back if she thought it was too much for him to handle. She was encouraged when he tentatively returned the gesture. Lightly lapping at his lower lip, she took things a step further...just touching his teeth with her tongue, then dancing the tip of her tongue over his. Their breathing increased as she delicately deepened the kiss, caressing his mouth, worshipping him the best way she knew how.

Making sure their kiss didn't stop, he leaned back, bringing her with him until they were both laying down on their sides. He snuggled closer, hand sliding up and down her side. He was still shaking lightly, but he continued to kiss her, seeking comfort and reassurance. He knew he was going to have nightmares tonight, something he hated. So he sought to distract himself with the woman he loved, and who seemed to be accepting everything he had told her without judgment.

She slipped her leg between his, then slid her hand down his back to pull him as close as possible. She ended their kiss momentarily, pulling back to smile at him. She wanted to reassure him, to let him know this didn't have to lead to sex. It was enough just to hold him close and kiss him. If he was ready for more, she would gently make love to him. If he wasn't, she'd nurture him in any way she could.

"I love you so much, sugar. So very, very much."

Framing his jaw with her hands, she leaned forward and softly kissed his face. First his forehead, then the bridge of his nose, his closed eyes, both cheeks, the tip of his nose, his chin, before returning her mouth to his. She moaned softly as she captured his lips, stroking his cheekbones with her thumbs.

She couldn't help the fresh tears that rolled down her face. A small pool of moisture welled up in the corner of her eye, before slowly sliding over the bridge of her nose. "No one's ever going to hurt you again, Anton. I promise. I'm going to protect you with my life."

He gently wiped the tear away, ignoring the moistness in his own eyes. Anton's chest lifted in a shuddering breath and he leaned forward to kiss her, this time more aggressively. His hand slid down her side to rest palm on her belly. He jumped slightly when Max kicked the spot he was touching.

Bryn slid her hand over his, holding it there. "He's been moving a lot since we got home. I think he can feel that I'm concerned about you. He's trying to tell you he's worried about you, too."

He gently rubbed his thumb back and forth against her. "I don't think he has anything to worry about now," he said with a s